"Nappy Headed Hos"

I have to talk about this, it involves Don Imus and my team, Rutgers Woman's Basketball, who had a stellar campaign to finish runner up, losing to Tennessee in the finals. I won't say it's disgusting, I won't say it's retarded, and I won't say it's wrong. Everyone knows it's all three, and there's no need for me to pontificate. What I will say, however, is that Don Imus looks like he was born through a cow's asshole. Seriously. Have you seen him? He has this big old flat face, looks like someone took an ugly 2x4 and smacked him repeatedly. He has this dazed cowboy-drawl, like he's been sucking himself dry for a few years now and gets so caught up in the act, the rest of the world loses it's reality. I mean, look at him, and just imagine him coming out a cow's asshole. Imagine: you have the cow standing there, black and white, moo, moo, moo, cow bell and all, chewing on some grass, pregnant. Then, the cow screams, its in labor. The flat face gray haired idiot grin comes first, and for a while it's just his head sticking out the cow's butt, and Imus doesn't care, he doesn't even know what planet he's on. "Cow's asshole," he says in his am-I-still-alive drawl, "Look, I know I say some wrong things, and sometimes I step over the line." Now comes the rest, his tall lanky body squeezes out and he's already dressed in tight jeans and an "Kill me Now" belt buckle he bought in the I-Hate-Howard store that he's been pitching since he realized he's not half the voice that Howard is. Ba-Ba-Booie, you dumb nut. The more I see of him, the more am I afraid to go to sleep. He'll probably come after me and tell me all these stories he thinks are so great, how outrageous he is, and that's a nightmare I just can't have. Seriously. I'm not sleeping until I forget about Don Imus again. I totally forgot he was even alive still. All of a sudden he's in the news and I'm thinking Geraldo dug up his grave or something, but no, he had the audacity to call the Rutgers squad a team of nappy headed hos? Woah, good job Imus. Way to go. I hate you even more now. Can someone do me a favor and send me one funny thing he has said over the years? I assume early on he must have said some funny things, but please, really. I don't understand first how he is still alive and two, how he still has a show on the air. I mean, don't fire him over this, fire him cause he sucks.

And Rutgers Women? Sure I made fun of you a bit, sure I may have come across as a bit of a misogynist (but really, I mean, we are talking woman's basketball here...) but it was all in good fun, because I was there cursing Sportsbook.com for not allowing me to bet on you VS UConn, I was there watching your games and hexing that Duke girl and I was there when you shut down Arizona. And though I didn't watch the final, I was there in spirit. I wish you all nothing but the best of luck, and I wish all hell to break upon Mr. Born out of a Cow's Asshole Don Imus.